literature

Restart

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Brici5's avatar
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Published:
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Literature Text

I will try to make this swift
We're moving as if in a lift
We're going down while we're locked
Inside the dark mind teller' trap
Best wishes come from the outside
Manning mankind out with pride
"Restart" it wildly screams from shadows
"Live it" then reply the widows
"Leave and go search for the meadows!"

"The moment we're at,
It will never come back"

"This moment in time,
Womb of the world bathed in pride"

"This moment of time
Coated in enlightened essence"

Forget it for I'm "Clubbed to Death"
I'm moving backwards in a world blinded by wealth
No example for the young, tremendous efforts for the old
Let it be, this world is cold!
Restart again our way of life
Sharpen the steel blade of your knife
For when I reach the black brick wall
I will have faced mankind's call
How come it's got so cold?

Restart while you can
Game over as you go
The children take you as a fan
Stay low, stay low!

I feel it is time
-Never change your mind-
Listen to the heart
Restart!

We will never know what is to come
Until the very ending, where the good and the bad are one,
And when everything fades to black
Then it is time for a restart!

Let my microprocessor rest
I am entitled to praise, I am the best
Have you seen my power's crest?
We are living in a hornet nest.

I fall today
Tomorrow I rise
They shall all pay
I will get the prize.

Will we restart today or tomorrow?
They say that truth is indeed hard to swallow
Crimson thoughts, my darkest world
Stories written in bold, airs of arctic cold
Your tundra awaits me!
I hope you like this one.
I would appreciate if you could comment and:

- maybe specify a new title, for I one thought of changing it but never took the action.
- tell me, from your point of view, if you could "see" this poem trying to describe something
- tell me what that "something" is, I would love to hear criticism!

One more specific question I have is: How can I improve the poem by improving its rhythm and in some parts the rhymes. English is not my mother tongue, so I am still learning it.

Thank you!

Critique for The Written Revolution: [link]
© 2012 - 2024 Brici5
Comments4
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slyfry's avatar
I don't understand the use of quotation marks, they confuse/distract me. In the third line of the first stanza both uses of the word "we're" are entirely unnecessary and interrupt the flow. Your poem would benefit from the use of punctuation and/or the reformation of the stanzas. For instance, between lines four and five of the first stanza there is no pause and it seemed jarring to me, a comma, m dash, or starting a new stanza between those lines would make it less so. All in all, I enjoyed the poem. I can go through the rest of it if you wish, but I would not want to force my opinions upon you, especially if you do not like the things I have already said.